Mental Block.

Well my lesson last week was a little more difficult than I had expected.Turns out, I have some huge mental block thing going on. I feel like I'm straining for high notes, I can't find a good buzz and keep it there, and I just feel bad. I have been really focused so I know that isn't the problem. I also know how to do everything that I'm having problems with, well for the most part, but I just can't get myself to do it. I have been doing so much score study lately because I'm just kind of scared to sing. I just hate what comes out and I think my biggest challenge this semester is going to be getting rid of this mental block. I'm pretty nervous for my jury, but I already know that I'm going to be prepared. If only being prepared equaled automatic amazingness. I know I can do it. It's not a problem with my confidence really, I think I just have a bit of a bruised ego and that is one thing that I have learned is important for singers to have! I know my stuff. I know I do. I just have to get myself back in the zone. I know I can do it. I have a lot of motivation to prove everyone that thinks I don't have the greatest voice ever wrong. Including myself. Well, obviously I don't have the greatest greatest voice ever, but I don't suck. And the sooner I get that through my head, the smoother this semester is going to be. I know I can do it.

seriously.

Okay what the heck. I forgot how to sing. I am not even kidding. I just got done practicing and I FORGOT HOW TO SING. This was the first day I haven't been sick or or anything like that and I felt finally good enough to actually go sing instead of just listening and score study and stuff. I literally could not hit any high notes. I am freaking out man. this is so not good. What am I supposed to do????????? This is an emergency. I better go get some coffee.

Beginning of the year.

So here we are again! It is my fourth semester of voice lessons and holy cow time goes fast. I'm doing my junior recital this year with Jamie and I am so excited. I know we have a long ways to go before we're ready, but I'm totally confident that we're going to rock it. The rep I'm doing for the recital is Deh vieni, non tardar, O del mio amato ben, An die Musik, Chanson d'amour, So in Love, Kiss Me Not Goodbye, Come Ready and See Me, and Vanilla Ice Cream. I am so pumped about my rep. I love all these songs. My main focus in preparing for the recital is going to be getting my soft palate up, losening up on some tension in different areas, connecting my registers better, and hitting the high b in Ice Cream. I don't know if fixing all those things in just a couple short months is actually going to happen, but I'm focused and ready to work harder than ever. So far we've really just ran through the new songs which are deh vieni, o del mio amato ben, and come ready and see me. I'm just so excited. I think maybe I should cut back a little bit because I don't want to end up disappointing myself if I can't come through on everything, but I'm just feeling really hopeful as of right now. So let's do this whoo whoo!

last lesson

In my last lesson we just did a mock jury which was exactly what I needed. I guess I'm a lot more prepared than I thought. I guess I really don't even know why I should worry. I've known all my stuff all semester, it's just the questions that might cause problems, but really I shouldn't even be worried about that. This has been the best semester so far! I just can't even believe that it always gets better every year. Thank you so much for all the hard work that YOU put in, Dr.Hepworth! You amaze me how well you keep all of your students on track and how much progress everyone makes with you. I can't wait for next year!!

Approaching the home stretch!

Yesterday in my lesson we just went through all my rep. It's so crazy to me that I feel this prepared. It's so awesome! For some reason I'm still fighting to keep my throat open sometimes. But the good thing about that is that I can definetly tell when I'm doing it and when I'm not. It's so easy to feel now. Why don't I just do it all the time then? Who knows. But I'm starting to gain a lot of control of those kinds of things and I think that's a success in itself. I'm also noticing that I'm really not good at speaking German haha...good ol diction just tells me everything I do not know. I super struggle with the ichlauts and auchlauts. I try like just doing them and switching back and forth but there seems to be a huge difference in being able to speak them and being able to sing them. Really my only current worry though is still being quizzed on my composers. I just really really really want to pass!! But yeah that's really all I got. Studio recital is tonight and I am really super excited! It is the weirdest thing  actually being excited to be on a recital and feel confident about it!! I feel like this semester I've rediscovered my love for performing and it's probably one of the best feelings I've had in a while. Wow I am just realizing that. That is really neat. Well, I will call this a successful semester! One more voice lesson to go. And it is definetly time for summer. Everyone is driving me crazy. Gosh, I am so nice. Well here's to these last couple weeks....WHOOOOO!!

keep calm and eat a cupcake.

I cannot even believe how close to the end of school it is. I know that everyone says it every year, but seriously, WHAT THE HECK! Studio recital is next week which I'm pretty pumped about. Well actually I'm kind of nervous because I want to wear the dress I wore for my junior prom and I'm really not sure if it fits. So if that's my biggest problem with life right now I really shouldn't complain. Then in just just a few weeks it is freaking barrier time. I am just dreading that. I always try and pack way too much information in my head and it's never even the right stuff and I am just so freaking out that I'm going to do it again. But we did start making note cards in my lesson so that was super helpful. I think next week I'm going to bring my biographies so we can like take information out of there so I'm not just stealing all the answers because I feel bad doing that. Next week on rectial I'm going to do vanilla ice cream which I am SUPER pumped for. I have been working my buns off on that one and I really hope I can pull it off like the song deserves. The hardest part is not moving around so much. I know that your face is the primary place for expressions to take place, but it is so hard to shut off your arm movements and stuff like that! I just need to tell myself that less is more with the extraneous stuff but there can always be more facial expression. I'm feeling really comfortable with my rep though so I'm really thankful for that. I'm so proud of myself for putting in so much hard work all through out the semester instead of just kicking it in gear at the end because I really feel in control and confident when it comes to the singing portion of my jury.Well, it isn't over yet though so no pats on the back yet, but I think I should be okay. I just can't freak out. And I won't. I think now that I'm signed up for classes I think most of my freak outs are out. No promises though. I may allow myself just one more from now until the end of school just to be safe.

make up lesson.

Well my last voice lesson was more of a counseling session, but sometimes you need those just as much anyways. That week of practicing though I just kind of felt like I was running out of gas. I feel like my voice was just cooperating so much better at the beginning of the year and that could totally probably be just because it's getting towards the end here and I'm just really tired. However, it's so frustrating going from feeling really good about my singing to being frustrated again! We did touch on a new problem which was tension in the lower lip. It was something I would've never even thought of so it really opened my eyes to that. I haven't quite figured out how to let go of the tension there. Every time I think I am I feel like I have no control. Maybe that's what it's supposed to feel like? I'm not really sure yet, but I will figure it out eventually, hopefully!

I have lost so many pencils this semester.

Hello world! Here I am to talk about my endeavors throughout the week. Well first and foremost diphthongs are driving me crazy. I also just realized like today that it's diPHthongs. I always thought it was dipthongs. Guess I'm a dip haaa. Well anyways, I am just having the toughest time hearing them. As soon as anything is said about them I can tell that I'm doing it, but when I'm by myself they seem to never even phase me. Maybe I need to do a little more speak singing. I know which words are my problem spots, but I just don't know. Drive me crazy. And then when it comes to diphthongs in la conocchia that is just like a whole other level of frustration because I'm not exactly positive what I need to look for when it comes to diphthongs in that language. I think I've sang that song too many times and I'm getting a little tired of it. But I'm still really excited for our studio recital!! I just hope I still fit into the dress I want to wear eeek. High school was so long ago!  I am really really loving vanilla ice cream, but I just get so discouraged almost at the beginning. I just sound so bad I think. And I'm not being hard on myself! That's like the weakest part of my voice so it can't ever decide what it wants to do and I'm so worried about cracking or something like that. It's going to be so fun once we get it polished up though. I really need to hit that one hard by myself. Other than that stuff I think my rep is going pretty well! So hooray for that. Oh and I was totally freaking out today about recital since I didn't have a banana but guess what I didn't even freak out when I got on stage!! I was actually like totally loving it. Funny what just a tid of confidence does..

this is a boring blog.

So in my lesson this week we went over my rep focusing on la conocchia, into the night, and vanilla ice cream. Vanilla Ice Cream is so hard! I had no idea it was going to be so hard when we started it! I think adding a character voice is going to make it a little bit easier, but the dipthongs are absolutely kicking my butt! I just never realize it when I'm singing it, but as soon as someone says something then it just seems so obvious. I think I'm going to start recording myself when I practice and then I'll be able to hear them. La conoccchia is going pretty well I just need to start breathing in the space. I think I have pretty much everything memorized so that is good. I'm getting pretty nervous for 300 level juries. I'm not worried about the singing at all, but it's the memorizing stuff about the composers and stuff that is going to kill me. I also am focusing on getting a more forward sound. I seem to forget about that a lot. I really don't have anything too exciting to talk about in this blog. So whooooooo!

Rejuvenated.

Well we had our first lesson after spring break yesterday and it went quite well. We went over Into the Night and that went pretty swell. I need to work on dipthongs and modifying so that shouldn't be too much to tweak. In Chanson d'amour I learned that I need a lot more puckering which I think might make singing it a bit more difficult because I don't want to create unwanted tension from doing the puckering so that will be a challenge. And then we changed the end of Vanilla Ice Cream (THANK GOD!) from the b to a turn so that is going to be a thousand times less scary. I mean I've never actually tried the b, but I just have a very bad feeling about it, and I really don't want to like kill my self attempting it, sooo we'll just keep it like we got it now. So every time I've been in the practice room I've done the duckas kitties and todays, but I just feel like I am not getting any better at it and it is making me mad. I sang in studio today and I think it was the best job I've done in quite a while. I went  up there with a good attitude and told myself that I was going to do great and I think that really made a lot of difference. I'm starting to get a tid nervous for the big scary barrier juries coming up, but so  far I feel real confident with my rep so I'm not going to stress too much over it right now. This may be my last blog ever because I have a diction AND aural skills test tomorrow so it might kill me. So if that is the case, then adios, but who knows, maybe I'll make it out alive.

Spring break is SO close.

Today was a good day. I have a stupid cold so I thought I was going to be awful, but it actually went quite well. I sang Into the Night and Kiss Me Not Goodbye. Being plugged up makes singing almost easier in some weird way, but I'll take what I have to work with I guess! I sang Kiss Me Not Goodbye on recital today and it went alright. I surprised myself with the high notes so that was pretty cool. However I really need to work on getting a brighter sound on my chest voice notes. I think I'm making pretty good progress on all my rep. I think I'm getting pretty close to having everything memorized. That is going to feel super awesome once that's all done. What I need to do is start really working on Vanilla Ice Cream. I have to do that one on a recital  because it will be completely awesome, but that song super frustrates me especially in like the beginning because it is so in the middle of my range which makes it a tid tricky when deciding when I want chest voice and when I want head voice. Oh and I'm getting really excited for our studio recital!! I super love my Italian piece. When practicing I've been getting a touch frustrated with my tongue because I'm trying to do duckas and kitties and todays, but it just never seems to get any easier. I just keep doing them though hoping that one day it'll just be a piece of cake. So that's really all I've got today. Not much going on in the brain of Jackie today. ta ta for now!

Things are becoming more difficult.

Yesterday's lesson wasn't exactly what I'd call successful. My stupid voice is just so tired. I've been really careful and stuff, but it's just really difficult to stay away from all the sicknesses floating around and not overwork my  voice. Tour is tomorrow, work all weekend, choir dress rehearsal on Sunday, choir concert Monday, sing in recital Tuesday, tour on Wednesday. My poor freaking voice. I think I'm deciding that I will sing through the Cohen for the choir concert but none of the other songs because there's no way I will have a voice the next day after all this junk. I am just getting so fed up with everything around here. I'm not going to blog about everything that's pissing me off because that's probably just not a good idea. Also, it is that time of the month so I am just double irritated about everything. Anyways. We went through Chanson d'amour yesterday and it went pretty well. I feel like I have a pretty good grasp for the most part on most of my rep so now I can really start picking everything apart and working on all the little things. I'm pretty sure I've got the French down pretty well for that song. My trouble spots are just the half steps on that one spot where I want to take a whole step every time. Another thing that I'm having a tough time with is getting up to the f on like the o ma rebelle and ou mes baisers parts. It's not really singing the f that's hard, it;s just singing it cleanly. I think I need to approach it differently. I always get all nervous and think great the f is coming up and then I strain for it. I think I need to maybe cut of the note before it just a touch early so I can relax myself instead of just gushing a bunch of air up and hoping what comes out is right. If that makes any sense at all. We started on Nacht Und Traume but didn't get too far. We talked about the ich-lauts and auch-lauts which was pretty helpful because I was lost on how to do those. We did La conocchia last and that one went pretty well. Its starting to get easier switching from head to chest so that is always nice. And I don't think I have any more complaints today so I think this blog will stop here.

Alright, in my lesson Tuesday we started out with some buzzes and then we did duckas kittys and todays up and down five. I totally forgot about those when I've been practicing so they are making a huge come back because I super suck at those. We also did some i's while I was turning my head side to side. That was a really interesting exercise. It was hard but like easier at the same time if that makes any sense?! Yesterday when I was practicing I worked on Vanilla Ice Cream and La Conocchia and I used that method in both of them and it really helps keep  when I have too much tension and strain in check. We worked on Kiss Me Not Goodbye too. That song is a lot harder than I thought. There's a lot of switching from head to chest, but it's short so it's not too taxing at all. It went pretty well, but I just have to be suuuuuper aware of dipthongs. They were pretty much owning me. La Conocchia was next which may be making a run for one of my favorite songs. I'm working real hard on switching to from head to chest which I'm finding is a lot easier in some parts versus others. I also need to look at a few of the high spots and do a little bit of modifying. Oh, and I forgot to mention that Phil came to my lesson to help. He is awesome. We started on Vanilla Ice Cream but I couldn't get very far because I was getting pretty tired. Choir is calling for some pretty intense singing since we're getting down to the wire and all. BUT  I promise I am being very careful and am using a lot of caution!! There is no way I'm going to blow out my voice again. I feel like I'm finally at a point where my voice is almost 100 percent healthy since high school. I get really upset sometimes because I feel like I really did a lot of damage in the past that maybe limits me now, but I am finally feeling like I can do this instead of having to which brings me to the last thing that I've been putting a lot of focus on....confidence. I think a lot of my worrying and stressing is all in my head. Okay no, I KNOW that it's all in my head. Ever since I sang in studio a couple weeks ago and Katie Hansen made the comment that I need to get an ego that's really stuck with me. I know I've made bounds and leaps of improvement since I started, but you can never be too confident. So that's my game plan for life basically. It's weird because I'm a really confident person when it just comes to life, but when it comes to music I lose it all. However, it is a work in progress, and I promise and I know it's going to get better.

I have to make this quick. Glee is on in 15 minutes.

Okay so today in my lesson we sang through la conocchia, chanson d'amour, and nacht und traume. I still had a bit of missed pitches in la conocchia, but that part is easy to fix. The hard part is going to be switching form my head to chest voice so many times. I was trying to do it all in my head voice today and when I tried doing it alternating head to chest it just sounds weird because I can't make a smooth transition yet. Now that I finally found my head voice I just don't want to ever leave it! hahaha no, but seriously, it is really hard to switch from head to chest. That'll definetly be one of my main focuses in practicing this week. Chanson d'amour is still tripping me up a bit with the french in a few parts, but overall I think that one is actually going pretty well. I discovered today that I'm kind of losing my buzz. Ha that sounds funny...let me rephrase....I am losing the buzz when I'm singing. That's better. I need to remember spoon tongue and in the nose. I have been doing a little bit of close throat too. I just need to remind myself of these things! I know I know how to do it, it is just being consistent at it. Mr.Phil came to my lesson today which was awesome...shout out to Phil....the last song we went through was nacht und traume which I just freaking LOVE. Ugh it is so beautiful. Cannot get enough. But it's super hard. I think my german is a little bit sloppy so I need to do some hardcore listening on that, and there's some tricky rhythms which I hate to admit it, but aural skills is going to come into some serious handy with that. Now I just gotta get those memorized by spring break which I'm thinking should be pretty easy. So far I"m not freaking out so that is a step in the right direction! Well buenos noches beautiful people. I got a show to watch.

Foreign languages. Blah.

This week in my lesson I was sick. Boo. I started taking vitamins because I seriously have the worst immune system of all time. So we went through la conocchia and even sang through it. I had most of the words correct, and we smoothed out a couple spots. I still need to work on notes for that one because I've been focusing so much on the language. I can't forget about the most important part! We also finished reading through Chanson d'amour and then sang through it. Dr.Hepworth said I actually did a good job, but I still feel like I'm not quite getting my mouth around the words like I need to. Practice practice practice. Once again I still need to work on the notes though. I've been neglecting my actual singing practicing a little bit because I've been so focused on score study. That's something I probably shouldn't admit in a blog, but I promise that now I'm getting the words and I'm feeling better there is going to be a ton more singing going on! But I have been listening my butt off to all my songs. I am just so happy with all my rep! It's a great feeling. We also kind of sang through Nacht und Traume. This song worries me the most out of all of them because it's my favorite but the rhythm and tempo just kind of really confuse me. It is supposed to be taken sehr langsam which means very slow and Dr.H told me to think of the eighth note as the beat which might make it a little easier to practice. I think once I get Mr.Phil to record the accompaniment for me it will make things a lot easier too than just trying to sing it by me counting. Dr.Hepworth says that I'm ahead of schedule from where I need to be at this point in the semester so hopefully I can stay ahead of the game. I CAN'T GET SICK ANYMORE. And I'm not planning on it. I need to get all my foreign language pieces memorized by spring break so I better get on that.

French is hard.

In my lesson we went over a lot of diction stuff. We hadn't actually sung yet, but that's okay because I think the actual singing is going to be the easy part of a lot of my rep this semester. La Conocchia's ipa isn't online so we went through and figured that out for that. Thank goodness it's Italian so it's semi easyish so it wasn't too painful to figure out. Then we went through the french in Chanson d'amour. It's such a beautiful song and I can see how people say that French is such a beautiful language. The song and the words together are just stunning when put altogether. However, French is very very difficult I think. There seem to be so many little sounds you have to be sure you get in for each word. I think being in diction this semester is really going to help me out with that though. Already reading ipa source is just a thousand times easier because I recognize symbols and know what they mean. My assignment for the week was just to speak through la conocchia and get the words down real well and speak through the first part of Chanson d'amour. I also borrowed Dr.Hepworth's Italian dictionary because I couldn't find the translation online for la conocchia and it's always nice to know what you're singing about. I'm really excited to get back into the swing of lessons and start singing again. I am really excited for barriers at the end of the semester because I already feel like I'm on the right track for being prepared. Just have to work on my languages!

Rep is ready to go!

In my last lesson we finished picking out my rep and did a little bit of ipa on my french and italian pieces. My last songs are Kiss Me Not Goodbye from The Mighty Casey which is just beautiful. Into the Night which is also very beautiful, and finally Nacht und Traume which is my FAVORITE!!!! Holy crap it is so unbelievably beautiful. Schubert is probably my favorite composer ever. I listened to a Renee Fleming version and I no joke seriously almost bawled. It's so pretty. I think this semester's rep is going to be a really big challenge for me. I think every song is going to have an obstacle I'm going to have to fight to overcome, but I am really excited. I love every one of my songs, and I can't wait to get started singing in lessons. Barriers this semester.................LET'S DO IT!!!!!!!!

First lesson of second semester!

Well, it is finally that time again. I hate break because then all I do is work at stupid, boring Hy-Vee and I hate it because I would so much rather be in school because I love school. Weird, I know. Anyways, yesterday we really just talked a little bit about scholarships, which I am in dire need of, and picked out music. So far we've only got three songs which are Vanilla Ice Cream from She Loves Me, La Conocchia, and Chanson d'amour. Vanilla Ice Cream is pretty much going to be the bomb.com this semester. I am getting the whole thing all planned out in my head and I know that once me and Dr.Hepworth start working on it, it's going to be the greatest song ever. Chanson d'amour is just beautiful. I have a feeling French is going to be super hard, but I'm always up for a challenge. Plus it'll  be totally awesome when I can tell people that I'm singing a song in French. I am just so cultured. Finally, La conocchia is just adorable. So far I'm really excited with what we've picked out and I can't wait to get the semester started! Let's dooooo this.