Frustration station.

So, this week sucks. Well, I take that back. Today sucked. At the end of last week Dr.Lofgren moved me to soprano 2 in choir so that I can actually get some practice singing the way I'm supposed to. The beginning of the week went really well. I could already tell that was helping me, and it was a lot easier to experiment with my voice when I already know the songs we're singing. So, in choir I was feeling really confident. When I went into the practice room by myself it was a bit more difficult, but I still felt like I was making progress. Until today. I don't know if I was just really tired or what, but in choir I just could not sing. I don't know if I forgot what I've been doing or what, but I was just having troubles getting my voice to stay constant. It kept cutting out, and even though I was drinking water the whole time my throat just felt so dry. It didn't really hurt, it just felt weird.I figured I was just tired, but when I went to the practice room later I was still having troubles. I warmed up and started singing my songs on an e vowel, and the sound was coming out quite a bit better, but it just felt different. I wasn't doing something right. I have no idea what though, and it's really really frustrating. I hate not knowing what I'm doing. And another thing that is driving me nuts is the way I sound. I used to have  an actually quite pretty voice, and now it just sounds awful. I feel like my sound is so like heavy..I don't know if that's the right way to describe it??? But, I just want to sound nice and floaty and beautiful, and all I feel like I'm doing is getting a stomach full of breath and belting out some sound that is supposed to be singing. I don't know if it's just because I'm trying to find this new voice that I never knew I had, or if somehow I just ruined my voice and it will never sound the same, but it's really frustrating. I feel like I have so many obstacles in my way. I'm not going to give up...definitley not my style, but I want to gain some sense of confidence and I am just having the hardest time doing that. Boo. I need so many chai tea lattes and a bubble bath right now. I feel like that would solve a lot of my problems.

Holy Beautiful Day.

First off, I'm way off on my weeks so I'm just not going to title these by week anymore. Second off, it is like the nicest day in February EVER, and I wish it was like this every single day. Third, I just got done with my lesson, and as usual, I feel a million times better leaving it than entering. This week I actually felt pretty alright because I was kind of getting into the groove of practicing. One thing that I never told Dr.Hepworth during my lesson because I just kind of thought of it right now, but the one thing that holds me back when it comes to practicing is I get really self conscious. I do a lot of things in my dorm room, but I need to get into a practice room more often. I just don't want people to hear me.....yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhh that's really dumb, but something that bothers me. My other problem this week, that is no secret, is that I just get so freaking frustrated. I just want to be good.  I totally understand that you have to practice to get better, but I'm just not used to it. I'm not giving up hope at all, once I set my mind to something I WILL do it. I just hate feeling so far away from my goals. Everyone keeps telling me just to sweat this semester out, and once I get into the swing of things it's going to just feel awesome. I just worry. Ha, what's new though? Okay. Positive attitude from here on out...no promises on that one, but it's a good thought. So my practice regimen for this week is to sing my songs on an "e" and work on some tongue excersises by saying today, kitty, and I forgot the last one so I will need to ask Dr.Hepworth about that. OH, and I'm not going to get all flustered this week either. Good luck to me!

Week Three.

Well, this week was pretty frustrating because I was sick basically the entire week with a sore throat and stuffy nose. Today's Thursday and I'm finally starting to feel better, but I just have the left over scratchy, annoying throat. I've been stocking up on water and orange juice though, so hopefully that helps! For practicing this week I really just played through my songs to try and get the tune in my head, and worked on the languages. I got another song added today in my lesson, and it's another Italian called Vergin, tutto amor, so that will be a challenge. That's fine though because I really like pushing myself, and pretending like I know how to speak Italian is pretty fun :) I definetely know that I'm going to start taking really super good care of myself from here on out because it's really frustrating not being able to work on my songs like I want to. I'll just keep focusing on my languages though, I imagine that mastering that is just as hard as getting the music down. So, here's to getting healthy for next week!!!!!!!!!!!

Week Two.

This week my challenge was getting into a practice room and starting to figure things out myself. I've never really gone about actually practicing by myself so I felt pretty silly when I first started practicing. My assignment was to just start learning the Italian for Tu Lo Sai and to kind of get the feel for the music in If Music Be the Food of Love. Both of them are very different pieces from what I've ever had to sing before. It's good though, I like a challenge. My voice was pretty tired all week, but the cold never seems to help my voice out. I am still absolutely terrified to sing in the recital at the end of this semester. I just need to not think about it. I'm hoping that my voice gets much stronger before then. I'm guessing it will, but the what ifs just kill me. I just don't want to do bad! I need to get into a little better groove of practicing by myself. I am going to start experimenting a bit with my voice and start to see what works and what doesn't. Let another week begin!