Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Frustration station.
So, this week sucks. Well, I take that back. Today sucked. At the end of last week Dr.Lofgren moved me to soprano 2 in choir so that I can actually get some practice singing the way I'm supposed to. The beginning of the week went really well. I could already tell that was helping me, and it was a lot easier to experiment with my voice when I already know the songs we're singing. So, in choir I was feeling really confident. When I went into the practice room by myself it was a bit more difficult, but I still felt like I was making progress. Until today. I don't know if I was just really tired or what, but in choir I just could not sing. I don't know if I forgot what I've been doing or what, but I was just having troubles getting my voice to stay constant. It kept cutting out, and even though I was drinking water the whole time my throat just felt so dry. It didn't really hurt, it just felt weird.I figured I was just tired, but when I went to the practice room later I was still having troubles. I warmed up and started singing my songs on an e vowel, and the sound was coming out quite a bit better, but it just felt different. I wasn't doing something right. I have no idea what though, and it's really really frustrating. I hate not knowing what I'm doing. And another thing that is driving me nuts is the way I sound. I used to have an actually quite pretty voice, and now it just sounds awful. I feel like my sound is so like heavy..I don't know if that's the right way to describe it??? But, I just want to sound nice and floaty and beautiful, and all I feel like I'm doing is getting a stomach full of breath and belting out some sound that is supposed to be singing. I don't know if it's just because I'm trying to find this new voice that I never knew I had, or if somehow I just ruined my voice and it will never sound the same, but it's really frustrating. I feel like I have so many obstacles in my way. I'm not going to give up...definitley not my style, but I want to gain some sense of confidence and I am just having the hardest time doing that. Boo. I need so many chai tea lattes and a bubble bath right now. I feel like that would solve a lot of my problems.
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Jackie,
ReplyDeleteI tell you what....I have been in your very situation. It is just part of the process.
NO---you did not ruin your voice. Begin thinking positively about your situation! How many weeks have you been doing this? 7? That is a DROP in the bucket in the big picture. Keep that in perspective. I know singers who actually sabotage themselves for thinking so negatively. One of my friends, Jonathan, had the most beautiful voice---he kept telling himself how much he sucked and eventually lost his position at the Dallas Opera because of it. He focused on what he did not like rather than what WAS working.
You JUST switched to Sop II, so give it some time. If you feel like things are not working, just take a breath, stop singing, and don't try to force it. It is like learning to ride a bike. There will be several times when you will fall off, get a skinned knee, and feel defeated. Get up, dust yourself off, and try again! Don't talk yourself out of learning this new style---just take a break and walk away.
Keep your chin up, lady! Trust me....I won't ruin you or your voice. This is a JOURNEY. In our Mc'Donald's society of wanting things FAST and NOW, we have the same perspective about singing. It is quite the opposite. Those who survive keep at it---I could have easily quit in the past. But I did not, and now look at where I am! I have the BEST job in the world!
I am sending good thoughts your way....
Dr. H.