Mental Block.

Well my lesson last week was a little more difficult than I had expected.Turns out, I have some huge mental block thing going on. I feel like I'm straining for high notes, I can't find a good buzz and keep it there, and I just feel bad. I have been really focused so I know that isn't the problem. I also know how to do everything that I'm having problems with, well for the most part, but I just can't get myself to do it. I have been doing so much score study lately because I'm just kind of scared to sing. I just hate what comes out and I think my biggest challenge this semester is going to be getting rid of this mental block. I'm pretty nervous for my jury, but I already know that I'm going to be prepared. If only being prepared equaled automatic amazingness. I know I can do it. It's not a problem with my confidence really, I think I just have a bit of a bruised ego and that is one thing that I have learned is important for singers to have! I know my stuff. I know I do. I just have to get myself back in the zone. I know I can do it. I have a lot of motivation to prove everyone that thinks I don't have the greatest voice ever wrong. Including myself. Well, obviously I don't have the greatest greatest voice ever, but I don't suck. And the sooner I get that through my head, the smoother this semester is going to be. I know I can do it.

seriously.

Okay what the heck. I forgot how to sing. I am not even kidding. I just got done practicing and I FORGOT HOW TO SING. This was the first day I haven't been sick or or anything like that and I felt finally good enough to actually go sing instead of just listening and score study and stuff. I literally could not hit any high notes. I am freaking out man. this is so not good. What am I supposed to do????????? This is an emergency. I better go get some coffee.

Beginning of the year.

So here we are again! It is my fourth semester of voice lessons and holy cow time goes fast. I'm doing my junior recital this year with Jamie and I am so excited. I know we have a long ways to go before we're ready, but I'm totally confident that we're going to rock it. The rep I'm doing for the recital is Deh vieni, non tardar, O del mio amato ben, An die Musik, Chanson d'amour, So in Love, Kiss Me Not Goodbye, Come Ready and See Me, and Vanilla Ice Cream. I am so pumped about my rep. I love all these songs. My main focus in preparing for the recital is going to be getting my soft palate up, losening up on some tension in different areas, connecting my registers better, and hitting the high b in Ice Cream. I don't know if fixing all those things in just a couple short months is actually going to happen, but I'm focused and ready to work harder than ever. So far we've really just ran through the new songs which are deh vieni, o del mio amato ben, and come ready and see me. I'm just so excited. I think maybe I should cut back a little bit because I don't want to end up disappointing myself if I can't come through on everything, but I'm just feeling really hopeful as of right now. So let's do this whoo whoo!

last lesson

In my last lesson we just did a mock jury which was exactly what I needed. I guess I'm a lot more prepared than I thought. I guess I really don't even know why I should worry. I've known all my stuff all semester, it's just the questions that might cause problems, but really I shouldn't even be worried about that. This has been the best semester so far! I just can't even believe that it always gets better every year. Thank you so much for all the hard work that YOU put in, Dr.Hepworth! You amaze me how well you keep all of your students on track and how much progress everyone makes with you. I can't wait for next year!!

Approaching the home stretch!

Yesterday in my lesson we just went through all my rep. It's so crazy to me that I feel this prepared. It's so awesome! For some reason I'm still fighting to keep my throat open sometimes. But the good thing about that is that I can definetly tell when I'm doing it and when I'm not. It's so easy to feel now. Why don't I just do it all the time then? Who knows. But I'm starting to gain a lot of control of those kinds of things and I think that's a success in itself. I'm also noticing that I'm really not good at speaking German haha...good ol diction just tells me everything I do not know. I super struggle with the ichlauts and auchlauts. I try like just doing them and switching back and forth but there seems to be a huge difference in being able to speak them and being able to sing them. Really my only current worry though is still being quizzed on my composers. I just really really really want to pass!! But yeah that's really all I got. Studio recital is tonight and I am really super excited! It is the weirdest thing  actually being excited to be on a recital and feel confident about it!! I feel like this semester I've rediscovered my love for performing and it's probably one of the best feelings I've had in a while. Wow I am just realizing that. That is really neat. Well, I will call this a successful semester! One more voice lesson to go. And it is definetly time for summer. Everyone is driving me crazy. Gosh, I am so nice. Well here's to these last couple weeks....WHOOOOO!!

keep calm and eat a cupcake.

I cannot even believe how close to the end of school it is. I know that everyone says it every year, but seriously, WHAT THE HECK! Studio recital is next week which I'm pretty pumped about. Well actually I'm kind of nervous because I want to wear the dress I wore for my junior prom and I'm really not sure if it fits. So if that's my biggest problem with life right now I really shouldn't complain. Then in just just a few weeks it is freaking barrier time. I am just dreading that. I always try and pack way too much information in my head and it's never even the right stuff and I am just so freaking out that I'm going to do it again. But we did start making note cards in my lesson so that was super helpful. I think next week I'm going to bring my biographies so we can like take information out of there so I'm not just stealing all the answers because I feel bad doing that. Next week on rectial I'm going to do vanilla ice cream which I am SUPER pumped for. I have been working my buns off on that one and I really hope I can pull it off like the song deserves. The hardest part is not moving around so much. I know that your face is the primary place for expressions to take place, but it is so hard to shut off your arm movements and stuff like that! I just need to tell myself that less is more with the extraneous stuff but there can always be more facial expression. I'm feeling really comfortable with my rep though so I'm really thankful for that. I'm so proud of myself for putting in so much hard work all through out the semester instead of just kicking it in gear at the end because I really feel in control and confident when it comes to the singing portion of my jury.Well, it isn't over yet though so no pats on the back yet, but I think I should be okay. I just can't freak out. And I won't. I think now that I'm signed up for classes I think most of my freak outs are out. No promises though. I may allow myself just one more from now until the end of school just to be safe.

make up lesson.

Well my last voice lesson was more of a counseling session, but sometimes you need those just as much anyways. That week of practicing though I just kind of felt like I was running out of gas. I feel like my voice was just cooperating so much better at the beginning of the year and that could totally probably be just because it's getting towards the end here and I'm just really tired. However, it's so frustrating going from feeling really good about my singing to being frustrated again! We did touch on a new problem which was tension in the lower lip. It was something I would've never even thought of so it really opened my eyes to that. I haven't quite figured out how to let go of the tension there. Every time I think I am I feel like I have no control. Maybe that's what it's supposed to feel like? I'm not really sure yet, but I will figure it out eventually, hopefully!